Tag Archives: dreams

Because There is No Alternative

Things have been going extraordinarily well, as of late. I’m employed at a fantastic company that I love, with awesome coworkers, good pay, and a real chance at learning and growing. I’m grateful for such an opportunity. My home life is also going pretty well. My lovely oldest younger sister is on a mission for our church and is currently in Utah for training before being sent off to Washington State. It’s super cool. I’m very proud of her. My brother is doing really well for himself, working for a pest control company. What was the first thing he bought? A ton of video games and an epic computer for gaming. My youngest sister is in the grip of mid-high school life, so it’s about as good as it could be for her (rough, but manageable). My parents are happy and my dad might even be able to get off insulin in a year. I might have an opportunity to move out sooner rather than later, and I’m starting up a tiny local business-thing to help me make some extra money. (Don’t worry. It’s not drugs. Yet.) Life is simple and good right now.

So then, why am I feeling so craptastic?

The long answer: I’m halfway into a relationship I don’t know will work, my self-image is crumbling, my health is in decline, I’m still nowhere near to releasing my first film, I’m tired most of the time, I get anxious about the dumbest things, yadda yadda.

The short answer: I’m not perfect.

I know, I know. You can’t be perfect. You can’t expect yourself (or be expected by others) to perform flawlessly and shoot to the top of the ladder at your job, relationship, or whatever else is in your life. You just can’t. To do so causes stress, and for a man who is 24 and has to live at home, that’s a pretty normal. I know, intellectually, that I’m imperfect and that I’m not supposed to be perfect. That said, I know I’m not at my best, that my potential is untapped, that I am nowhere near where I would like to be. It’s rough.

I want to be traveling the world. I want to be making movies. I want to be changing lives. I want to be helping people. I want to be independent. I want, I want, I want, but I don’t have. I’m failing to live up to my own expectations. So I came up with a couple solutions. The first is pretty obvious:

Lower your expectations of yourself.

This tends to be the go-to when I asked for advice on the matter. “You can’t be perfect,” and “you shouldn’t try to do too much,” were common responses. “You need to set lower standards,” was also popular. This might work for you, because your standards might be ridiculous. You might think that you have to raise those four kids, balance a check book, and end world hunger all before 8 in the morning. It’s admirable that you want to do all these things, but it might be a little foolish to try to do it all alone. Which brings me to my second solution:

Try harder.

Maybe your expectations and standards are within reach. You’d probably know better than I would. I personally don’t think my standards are that implausible. I want to live in my own apartment/condo/house, travel to a new place every month (even if it’s just to another city), and make enough money to support myself. It shouldn’t be that hard, yet for some reason it is. In fact, in my experience, this is basically impossible. Why? Because I’m not trying hard enough. I haven’t ever been able to completely focus or devote myself to any one thing – goal or otherwise – without assistance. Or rather, I haven’t forced myself to do so. When the going gets tough, the Tay got going. But that needs to change if I want to reach my goals.

To sum up, there are several roads you can take. You can change your standards, change your course in life, change how hard you work; whatever the case may be. You have the power. And I have the power. Believe.

That not good enough for you? The whole “just be positive” speech doesn’t carry as much thunder once you’ve heard it a dozen times. Allow me to present you with another fact:

Do what you need to do to reach your goal. Do it because there is no alternative. There just isn’t. I got home from a walk in the park a few minutes ago and my dad proceeded to lecture me about my eating habits (which are pretty bad). I’m now officially 70 pounds over my personal weight limit. I have plans to live forever and the gunk in my veins is going to clog up my heart before I get the chance to discover the cure for death. I have to be healthy. It’s no longer an option of “Well, I want abs to looks sexy.” Now it’s “I need to be healthy, or I’m going to die at 30.” There is no alternative. I have no other options.

Neither do you.

You want your life to change? You want to reach your goal? You want to be something more than you are today? Do you want to do something but just can’t find the motivation? Then remember the title of this post. Because you have to do it. You have to. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE. There’s no backup. There’s no checkpoint. There’s no restart. There’s this. This is it. Do not waste what life and time you have. You have to try. You have to do. Because there is no alternative. Humans have proven their resilience time and time again. It’s proof that you can persevere and do it too. It will be hard. It will seem impossible. But you have to. You have no other choice.

Don’t give up! Don’t give in! And always remember to DREAM BIG!

Filming in Flagstaff

I hate “jobs.” I hate all jobs. I’ve yet to work a job that I can earnestly say “I really like this and can see myself doing this for the rest of my life/for many years to come!” Nope. Not once. Every job I’ve ever had I go “Yup. This is what I know how to do and I do it well.” They’re boring, but that’s not the only reason I hate them.

Jobs are jobs. They give me no sense of accomplishment. I really really thought about it, but I cannot find a single thing it does that makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. Paying bills, being responsible, that’s all wonderful. SO wonderful. But it’s not fulfilling. It’s surviving.

I’m not a survivor. I’m a dreamer.

Do not go gently into that good night! Don’t sit around! Do! DO!

Last weekend, I went up to Flagstaff to film some things for movie that I’m interning on. It was such an amazing experience. I learned more in one day than I did in my 4 months of shooting my own film. I helped take stills, dress the set, talk about shots with my director. What’s amazing was that he actually appreciated what I did, because I just realized as I was typing this that me suggesting things might have been totally been inappropriate for an intern. Urgh. Anxiety.

Regardless, I learned something about myself that day. I will get up at 4:30 with only two hours of sleep and will work my hardest, be professional, and be generally all sorts of awesome AND happy on a film set. Why? How?

It’s something I love. I truly, deeply love filmmaking. I’ve decided that I will find a way to make money doing this. I don’t care what I do, so long as it’s creating movies in some way, shape, or form. It’s what I was born to do.

If you guys have a dream, follow it. You will find happiness beyond your dreams.

The Absence of Sanity

These last few weeks have been crazy. I’ve been working on getting a new job, finding a place to live, and organizing expenses. It’s been a trying week. Progress has been made, but in the interest of not over-sharing/jinxing it, I will remain mum on these developments until I actually have something to tell.

Currently, I am trying to figure out how to finish up my movie while also working on filming my new vlog about Heroes! I’m super excited. My dear sister has made some pretty fantastic improvements in her life and it’s inspiring. I’ve been attempting to better myself as well, though my strides are fewer and far between. Nevertheless, I’m moving forward.

My dad recently started watching a show called “The Men who Built America” and it’s riveting. It’s about businessmen and their epic tales and how they shaped America. It’s been inspiring me to push for my dreams: to own my company. I have dreams and goals that cannot be accomplished under the shadow of another, otherwise it would have been done already. I need training, both physical and mental. I’m terrified of accumulating debt, but at the same time I feel schooling will push me in ways I’ve never imagined.

I’m also a little nuts. Tired. And optimistic. I will speak more of this later, when I am of a more sober mind.

Thank you, loyal readers, for staying with me on this journey. I can’t wait to show you what we can do.

Much love. Remember, if you’re going to dream, dream big!

Want to Buy Some Magic?

Unicorns, fairies, and Harry Potter. All of these things have (at least) one thing in common. Can you guest what it is? Can you? I bet you can. Because you’re smart. You’re smart people….. Smart people.

Okay, so in case you’re having some trouble, I’m talking about magic. Magic, as defined by Google, is “the power to apparently influence the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.” Telekinesis, weather manipulation, mind reading, and much more at the palm of your fingertips. That’s right. The palm. Of your fingertips. Because magic.

Let’s refine, redefine, and re-something-or-other this word. Simplify it. “Magic is the power to do what otherwise could not be done.” There. That wasn’t so hard. Example time! Magic would allow me to move objects from one place to the next without touching them. Magic would allow me to fly. Magic would allow me to see things no one else can. Magic would allow me to overcome any obstacle.

Now that we’ve seen some examples, let’s look at the real world and see if we can’t get the same or similar effects.

Magic would allow me to move objects from one place to another without touching them: Robots. Remote controls. Servants.

Magic would allow me to fly: Planes.

Magic would allow em to see things no one else can: Travel. Adventure. Exploration.

Magic would allow me to overcome any obstacle: Determination. Passion. Perseverance.

What can accomplish all these wonders? What is the fuel required to cast these spells? What is the mana of the real world? For me, personally, it’s that thing that has caused people to murder each other, caused empires to rise and fall, and caused the world itself to change. I’m talking about MONEY. Money is magic. Money can hire servants, open the door to travel, and it can buy passion. Money is a motivator. Money gives people power. Money gives people shelter. Money gives people security. People say money can’t buy happiness. This is absolutely true. But money can buy a heck of a lot of other things. Money can move mountains. Money can take us to the stars. Money is powerful.

Money isn’t everything. I promise. This is just a testament to what it can do. Granted you need other things to get money, etc. etc. But I’m just making a point here: There is magic in the world. There is magic everywhere you look. With this in mind, I pose a couple questions: Where do you see magic? What things do you consider magic? Comment below. Follow me. Yadda yadda.

Remember guys and gals: If you’re gonna dream, dream BIG!




PS. If you like the art, be sure to check out b2spiritcat on deviantart for more awesomeness!