I haven’t gotten around to the blog yet! I’m sorry! I’ve been traveling a lot and working hard at my amazing job. I’ve also been doing side projects with friends of mine. Check out his latest audio play that I play a role in!
I haven’t gotten around to the blog yet! I’m sorry! I’ve been traveling a lot and working hard at my amazing job. I’ve also been doing side projects with friends of mine. Check out his latest audio play that I play a role in!
Things have been going extraordinarily well, as of late. I’m employed at a fantastic company that I love, with awesome coworkers, good pay, and a real chance at learning and growing. I’m grateful for such an opportunity. My home life is also going pretty well. My lovely oldest younger sister is on a mission for our church and is currently in Utah for training before being sent off to Washington State. It’s super cool. I’m very proud of her. My brother is doing really well for himself, working for a pest control company. What was the first thing he bought? A ton of video games and an epic computer for gaming. My youngest sister is in the grip of mid-high school life, so it’s about as good as it could be for her (rough, but manageable). My parents are happy and my dad might even be able to get off insulin in a year. I might have an opportunity to move out sooner rather than later, and I’m starting up a tiny local business-thing to help me make some extra money. (Don’t worry. It’s not drugs. Yet.) Life is simple and good right now.
So then, why am I feeling so craptastic?
The long answer: I’m halfway into a relationship I don’t know will work, my self-image is crumbling, my health is in decline, I’m still nowhere near to releasing my first film, I’m tired most of the time, I get anxious about the dumbest things, yadda yadda.
The short answer: I’m not perfect.
I know, I know. You can’t be perfect. You can’t expect yourself (or be expected by others) to perform flawlessly and shoot to the top of the ladder at your job, relationship, or whatever else is in your life. You just can’t. To do so causes stress, and for a man who is 24 and has to live at home, that’s a pretty normal. I know, intellectually, that I’m imperfect and that I’m not supposed to be perfect. That said, I know I’m not at my best, that my potential is untapped, that I am nowhere near where I would like to be. It’s rough.
I want to be traveling the world. I want to be making movies. I want to be changing lives. I want to be helping people. I want to be independent. I want, I want, I want, but I don’t have. I’m failing to live up to my own expectations. So I came up with a couple solutions. The first is pretty obvious:
Lower your expectations of yourself.
This tends to be the go-to when I asked for advice on the matter. “You can’t be perfect,” and “you shouldn’t try to do too much,” were common responses. “You need to set lower standards,” was also popular. This might work for you, because your standards might be ridiculous. You might think that you have to raise those four kids, balance a check book, and end world hunger all before 8 in the morning. It’s admirable that you want to do all these things, but it might be a little foolish to try to do it all alone. Which brings me to my second solution:
Maybe your expectations and standards are within reach. You’d probably know better than I would. I personally don’t think my standards are that implausible. I want to live in my own apartment/condo/house, travel to a new place every month (even if it’s just to another city), and make enough money to support myself. It shouldn’t be that hard, yet for some reason it is. In fact, in my experience, this is basically impossible. Why? Because I’m not trying hard enough. I haven’t ever been able to completely focus or devote myself to any one thing – goal or otherwise – without assistance. Or rather, I haven’t forced myself to do so. When the going gets tough, the Tay got going. But that needs to change if I want to reach my goals.
To sum up, there are several roads you can take. You can change your standards, change your course in life, change how hard you work; whatever the case may be. You have the power. And I have the power. Believe.
That not good enough for you? The whole “just be positive” speech doesn’t carry as much thunder once you’ve heard it a dozen times. Allow me to present you with another fact:
Do what you need to do to reach your goal. Do it because there is no alternative. There just isn’t. I got home from a walk in the park a few minutes ago and my dad proceeded to lecture me about my eating habits (which are pretty bad). I’m now officially 70 pounds over my personal weight limit. I have plans to live forever and the gunk in my veins is going to clog up my heart before I get the chance to discover the cure for death. I have to be healthy. It’s no longer an option of “Well, I want abs to looks sexy.” Now it’s “I need to be healthy, or I’m going to die at 30.” There is no alternative. I have no other options.
Neither do you.
You want your life to change? You want to reach your goal? You want to be something more than you are today? Do you want to do something but just can’t find the motivation? Then remember the title of this post. Because you have to do it. You have to. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE. There’s no backup. There’s no checkpoint. There’s no restart. There’s this. This is it. Do not waste what life and time you have. You have to try. You have to do. Because there is no alternative. Humans have proven their resilience time and time again. It’s proof that you can persevere and do it too. It will be hard. It will seem impossible. But you have to. You have no other choice.
Don’t give up! Don’t give in! And always remember to DREAM BIG!
If you haven’t figured that out by reading my blog, then I’m pretty pleased with myself. And thank you. But yes. It’s true. I’m awkward. Very awkward. I’m a steamy pile of awkward laced with awkward flakes.
How awkward, you ask? Tina Belcher awkward.
For example, my ex just changed his profile picture. Now my romantic feelings for this particular person have been long dead, but when I saw this picture, I immediately sent a Facebook message that read: “Hey ho. That new profile pic. It’s um….. Uh… You’re gorgeous.” I then proceeded to literally run away from my laptop and flipped on Bob’s Burgers to avoid anxiety.
The great awkward doesn’t stop there. Oh no. That’d be too easy.
While I was in Seattle, my best friend and I happened upon half a dozen musicians. All of them were fun to listen to, but there was one in particular who was magical; attractive, talented, free-spirited. This mystical musician had CDs for sale and when I went up to buy one, I’m fairly sure I just held my cash far enough away from him that he had to reach for it across his stuff. I think I tried to say “I’d like to buy a CD,” and “You’re very talented.” I’m almost certain what came out was incoherent babble and some variation of “I’d like to buy you.”
Now let’s look at situations that don’t involve me spewing my rainbows everywhere.
I was 15. I was mad at my parents. We were at Denny’s and I ordered a Sprite defiantly (even though soda was acceptable). No wait. It wasn’t Denny’s. It was Village Inn. Definitely Village Inn. Because it’s a booth that was round and booth-y. It was definitely Villain Inn.
So I was 15 at Village Inn and I was mad at my parents. I was determined to be grumpy while I sipped at my sprite. I was keeping my mouth full of fluids so that mean words wouldn’t spew out of it. The server came to our table to take our orders. She was beautiful and it threw me off. I wasn’t angry anymore, but I was still sipping sprite. When my mouth was full, the server turned to me, tucked her hair behind her ear (which I think is adorable), and asked me what I wanted.
“Can I get the waffles?” I asked. With a mouthful of Sprite.
It came out “clnn igrt ffrrrles.” Sprite erupted out of my gaping noise void and cascaded onto my lap. Our server laughed. My parents laughed. I cried inside.
I’m hilarious. But super awkward.
Someone please love me.
Avid Tay Talks readers, do you recall the beginning of this year? I gave insight to my personal fears and struggles and I was losing myself in my problems. It was a rough few months filled with anxiety and fear. But I stuck it out and promised myself that I would show you guys that if I could do it, so can you. Do what, you ask? Simply put: improve yourselves. Maybe you’re already at the top of your foodchain or you’re a millionaire or successful in your own rights. Great! But I’m not. I’m not even close to my fantasy life I built in my head. (that’s another thing I’d like to talk about if I remember.)
But I’m closer than I was in January. This year is my year, I kept repeating. I quit my retail jobs and now I’m employed elsewhere. I’m not going to say where I am exactly, but I will tell you about my day at work.
I arrived promptly at 2pm, ready to fill out paperwork and meet some people. I go into the building and ride the elevator to the top floor. (It’s only 3 stories, but it’s the tallest building on the block.) Inside, I meet the friendly Sir Receptionist Man (yes, I forgot his name and I’m sorry) and he alerts the manager of my presence. One of the three managers who interviewed me appears. He was clean shaven and had a haircut since I last saw him. He was also way taller than me, dressed in black (manager color-coded shirt), with a white lanyard that was peppered with Disneyland pins. I think “Yes. This is going to be a fun place to work.”
He leads me down a hall that is decorated entirely with basketball and football sports flags from all over the country. Collegiate and NFL, so you know that sports are big here. As we enter the main office, there are no cubicles; just rows of glass desks, large double monitors, and people in white (training) and blue (proctor) polos. Everyone is wearing a lanyard with one of four colors (which I will explain the significance of soon). There are bobble heads on the dividers. I see Chewbacca, Deadpool, Han Solo, and a delicious cast of characters from various pop and cult films and shows. That made me want to giggle like a schoolgirl. Then I turn and see it: A STORM TROOPER! That’s right. A Star Wars Storm Trooper, towering over all of us, a red company lanyard around its neck. It’s just sitting in the corner, busy being awesome and all that.
At the end of the office, where I was going to work on the official employee documents, was a wall that was just one big window. It looked out over the parking lot below and– Oh. What’s that? Is that… the shopping center I used to work at?! Holy crap! Across the street! Right there! Oh my gosh! It’s really….! Yup. That’s right. I was now ABOVE my old place of work. That’s a really horrible thing to say, so allow me to explain why this moment was so important for me.
While working retail, I was unhappy. Okay, I was miserable. I hated it. I loathed it. Nothing made me feel more useless than standing there, taking the crap from ungrateful people who were infuriated by my inability to take their used underwear that they had no proof of purchasing from us. I was truly unhappy. I felt low. Really low.
At this new job, I felt welcomed, excited, passionate, driven, challenged, and encouraged. And one of the best parts? My desk looked out over the previous job. I actually teared up. The eyes lodged in my sockets were quite wet! WET, I SAY! I had done it. I had not only mentally and financially moved up in the world, but I was there, physically, above it. I had risen out of the depths of my despair, risen above the struggles and the crap that I was trudging through, and moved on. I knew that if I listened to my heart, truly listened, that I would be happier. It took a bit longer than I would have liked, but I’m glad it did. Had it gone too fast, I don’t think I’d have the same drive, let alone the same reaction I had today.
So anyway, I filled out the paperwork and then I sign in for something that I think is the coolest thing:
My new company has a personality quiz that all new employees must take. They evaluate your personalities and organize us into groups. To be honest, it felt like I was being sorted into a House at Hogwarts. I was excited. (Disclaimer: we are not put into castes that are above or below each other. This system is installed so that we would know how to approach one another, how to work with each other, how to respond to each other. It was designed to allow us to communicate efficiently. I loved it.) So here are the “Houses” of this company:
Yellow: Fun, Energetic, Happy.
Red: Passion, Demanding, Driven.
Blue: Intimate, Caring, Emotionally Available.
White: Peace, Mediator, Independent.
There were a lot of blues. Two of the Three managers I met were blues. I saw a lot of blues on the floor. It made me nervous. Would I be a blue? I mean, I imagined myself as being the kind of person who would respond the way a blue would to clients and coworkers. So… why wouldn’t I be? My immediate thought was “PLEASE DON’T BE BLUE!”
“Not Slytherine, not Slytherine!”
The idea that I would wind up having to eventually wear a blue shirt and lanyard to work terrified me. These were my uniform colors back at my retail job. I understand and respect all colors, but at work, blue is totally inappropriate. Blue is passive, soft, gentle, and (often associated with) slothulness. I really didn’t want it. I wanted yellow. I wanted to be fun and charismatic and energetic and happy. So as I’m taking this test, I see a Yellow (name unknown) start talking to my manager. He’s totally confident, funny, nerdy, and awesome. I go, “yeah, I could be a yellow. It’d be a lot to live up to, but I could be a yellow.”
The test was a long series of “what were you like as a kid” questions followed by a lot of “how does this make you feel” questions. It was pretty straightforward, but I couldn’t figure out what answers went with corresponding colors, so I couldn’t cheat my way into yellow if I tried. In the end, I figured the way I had answered, I’d be blue. I almost cried in sorrow. Please…. Please not blue…
Then my results came in.
What? White? Really? I watched the video explanation of why they thought white was my color. I represent peace. My goal in the workplace is to keep people happy and to make sure nothing gets in the way of that happiness. I was actually humbled by my result. I answered every question as honestly as possible and they viewed me as a “White”. I was elated. “NOT BLUE!” I said aloud. “I’m WHITE!” I don’t think my coworkers knew I wasn’t talking about my race until my manager laughed.
This job is awesome. The training will be a bit tough, but I’m a fantastic customer service rep. I got this made. And a White? Peace? PEACE?! That’s the coolest thing ever! I love it. I absolutely love it. I am Peace, my soul mate is a Yellow, for sure. And I can’t wait to get things rolling. I want to grow. I want to rise up in the ranks here. Not because I want power, but because I want to be able to work here and support myself and others until my own personal company rises to fruition. This company is “the one”. I am excited. And I can’t wait to share everything with you.
You guys are awesome. You guys can do anything. Switch careers, switch majors, whatever. You don’t have to be trapped where you are now. If you’re unhappy, get out! It’s scary, it’s intimidating, and it’s rough. It is not easy at all. But you can do it. You can do it! If I can do it, if I can find a job that isn’t retail (the only thing I’m trained for) and change my life and career path, so can you! You got this, guys and gals. You got this. I love you all so very much. I’m proud of you and all you’ve done. I can’t wait to see what you do next.
Hello, dearest readers.
It’s a lovely day here in Arizona. 70 degrees F. Partly cloudy. I have a job interview in a few hours and I’m nervous. I’m really nervous.
I started browsing the YouTube because, well, it’s the YouTube. It’s the ultimate distraction. I came across a video from one of my favorite YouTubers and he talked about being honest. I don’t want to overshare, but I definitely want to be honest with you all. So here it goes.
I’m still learning how to create content for blogs (obviously). I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just… doing. I’m always afraid that I will lose touch with the reasons why I even have a blog and start posting tons of crap that has nothing to do with anything, and… well, sort of like this post.
I get a decent amount of views and such on here and I know I’ve got more followers than I thought I’d ever earn. It’s humbling and heartwarming. Thank you all so much for your support. It really does mean a lot to me.
I would really like to hear from you guys. You know, the typical questions. Why did you follow me? What do you want to see from me? All that jazz. But more than that…
Who are you? What do you do for fun? Do you go adventuring? Do you like to read? How many licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsiepop? What’s your favorite color? What do you do to make yourself or others happy? How many siblings do you have? Tell me a story about you and your best friends. Do you like Disney movies? Do you know how to cook? Share with me. I truly want to know. You guys have a story to be told and I definitely want to listen.
If you have a blog of your own, post it below and I’ll go check it out. I’d love to hear what you all have to say.
Thanks again for reading and for being you. You’re amazing and I mean.
Remember guys and gals, if you’re going to dream, dream BIG! And never stop believing!
It’s been a while since I quit my job. I have never felt happier. I left behind the retail industry and I told myself I would never go back.
But the bank is nearly empty and the time has come to be an adult.
I was graced with a job opportunity proctoring exams. Essentially, I’d be sitting there making sure people are doing their tests properly. Which will be rather interesting and different. But hey. It’s customer service in a different way. In a room where they aren’t allowed to speak! YES! HA! Sorry. Sorry. That was excited- I MEAN RUDE.
Other than this opportunity, my father came to me and offered me a job with his business, which makes virtually no money. I was skeptical, and still am, but he’s put me in charge of something that I’m fascinated by. I will be running his website. Which currently looks like this. Look at it. Look at how riveting it is.
Needless to say, it needs a lot of work, and while I know nothing about programming, I know some other stuff that might help. I’ve decided to spend 3 hours a day teaching myself how to run a webpage. Intellectually, I know what I need to do, but I need to work on putting those thoughts into action. It will certainly be a challenge, but a welcome one.
I’d like to now talk about how these jobs came into my life. For this, we will be shifting gears here and we’ll be talking about the Law of Attraction, a topic I’m very familiar with.
As stated in a previous post, gratitude is very important. Gratitude is what empowers us. So after quitting my retail job, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I am pretty sure I spent the first week away from there in total bliss. A few weeks ago, when I was staring at my computer thinking about my blog and my life, I realized that I wanted to become productive again. I started feeling grateful for the money I had, for the opportunities I had, and for the things that I knew where on their way.
When one door closes, another door opens. Maybe not right away, but still. I started getting excited. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I would be working a job or jobs that would not only meet my annual salary goal, but wouldn’t be retail and would give me room to be creative. I focused on that for a few weeks. I now have basically two jobs that, when combined, pay rent, insurance, food, gas, bills, and a few other expenses while allowing me to save up for big things.
Guys. It worked. The Law of Attraction worked. I was given opportunities to work in fields that will allow my mind to wander into creative realms and even apply them. I will learn about myself, about my career(s), and about who and what I want to be. I’m baffled by these opportunities. I will keep you guys updated. I just thought I’d share that the Law of Attraction does, in fact, work.
Thank you guys for being you. You’re awesome. I’m proud to have you in my life. ^_^
Remember, if you’re going to dream, dream BIG!
As you’re all aware, I have no scheduled posting…. schedule. I post when I please and while this works great for my creative process, it’s terrible for business, and for you avid readers out there who (for whatever reason) desperately scour my blog. I can’t make any promises, just yet, but I would like to share with you my plans.
I am thinking of continuing spewing out random blog posts every time I get the urge, but I also what a sense of continuity. Because of this I am starting a weekly post that will more than likely be out on weekends. I can’t give you specifics yet. This post was meant to be more of an apology for silence.
You guys and gals are fantastic and I can’t wait to share more with you. Hang tight. I’ll return!
A SPOON’S WORST NIGHTMARE
By Taylor Packer
((This story is from the perspective of a spoon. Contains graphic and disturbing images, language, and mild sexuality. Definitely not suitable for children under the age of 13.))
My name is Hogarth Cumbercorn. I’m a spoon. To be more specific, I’m an Oneida Michaelangelo Flatware Spoon from the Patterns for a Lifetime series. I’m often described as curvaceous and ornate, donning 18/10 stainless steel polished to perfection. I am a mirror of the world around me. All that shines onto my concaving and convexing faces is reflected back upon it. I am a perfect spoon.
That’s probably why the human treats the others and I so well. Every morning, I wake to the sight of my human, pulling open the drawer where he lays us to rest at the end of the day. I’m his favorite spoon. I’m one of a kind among these 12/10 stainless steels and colored plastics. I was even his favorite over the baby spoon he had since he was an infant. The way I fit into his mouth is like unto a tailored glove fits around a perfect hand. I’m the perfect hand, of course. My God-given body came without fingers so that none of my human’s milk and cereal could spill away. The milk was always cool, but never frigid. And just before it got too cold, he would warm me with his tongue. He was always so gentle; so careful to keep his teeth away from my mirror-like surface. He nicked me once, but I forgave him. He couldn’t hear me, of course, but he knows.
Today, after breakfast, he washed me by hand the way he always does. He rinsed me in warm water and ran his soapy hands along my body, cleaning me, purifying me. It was like my soul was being cleansed by the ritual of baptism. After I am washed and rinsed, he lifts me out of the sink and dries me with a towel. The towel was coarse at first, but once our wet forms pressed against it, it softens; almost as soft, warm, and wet as his mouth. He set me back in my drawer and his smile reflected off of me, smiling back at him.
I thought that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t…
I was woken from my slumber by a rumble. The drawer we were lying in shook violently. Something was happening. The wall was groaning and the knives were sliding all over themselves. What was happening?
Sudden silence took hold. All of the other utensils quivered slightly, but I stayed still, trying to listen for my human. The drawer suddenly jerked open and the harsh mid-day light stung us, glinting off our bodies like fire. It was blinding so blinding that I couldn’t see who had opened the drawer. I felt a huge hand grope all of the spoons and myself into a tight fist. I was lifted out of the drawer. It was Human. What was he doing? Why was he so angry? What had I done?!
He turned to the sink and that’s when I was taken aback. In the place of one of the cupboards, there was a box. It was stainless steel, but sheered to look more industrial; soulless. I happened to catch a glance at something near the base of its opening maw. It was a metal name tag that read “May-hag” or something. It opened wide for us as would the gates of hell and I saw row upon row of wire strainers and small cages protruding from skeletal shelves. I was shoved face-down into a small crate with the others. I tried to see between the curves of the others, but their panic made it impossible to reason with them. I could only reflect their fear. I heard and felt the forks follow suit; that is, they were crammed into a tiny crate as well. Then the knives. What the hell was happening?!
Then I heard and felt loud clanks. Plates? Bowls? Human was shoving everyone in this metal box. In the panic, I hadn’t had time to notice the smell. It smelled of iron and terror. This couldn’t be happening. All of us were trapped in this box, unable to understand why this new and twisted chamber had become our resting place. I tried to stay calm. Surely this was temporary. Human wouldn’t abandon us to this crammed, cold, clammy box. He wouldn’t. He loved us. He loved me. That’s when I heard laughter.
He was laughing. Dear God, Human was laughing! It made me feel sick, like I would sprout rust just by the sound of it. He closed the box, leaving us in total darkness. I could hear the concerned mutterings of the others. Everyone was panicking. Four years of being cared for and all of a sudden, we were here, in total darkness. Had it all been a lie? Had it all been a ploy to gain our trust?
Searing hot water blasted us from out of nowhere. Everyone screamed. I screamed. Liquid fire was trying to carve away my shiny surface. My skin… My skin was burning! It was being sanded off by the pressure. I could hear the baby spoon wailing, coughing, drowning. What sick monster would do this? The water stopped spraying and we could all breathe again. I wanted to find Baby Spoon and cover him, spoon him, keep him safe from whatever might come next. I wiggled against the others, but we were too tightly packed. I could hear the knives sobbing. They were always the emotional ones, but this time I just wanted to cry with them.
I caught of a whiff of boiling soap. This wasn’t over.
Scalding lava-water exploded around us, gyrating and twirling in a dance of death, hosing us down with a foul, waxy sanitizing agents. I could feel some of the plastic spoons shudder as their skins peeled away from their gooey, plastic flesh. They were melting. They were melting against me! I would screamed, but their plastic melted over my face. What horror! What horror!!!
The soapy water was replaced with the regular magma-water. I was able to push my way through the semi-solid corpses of my fallen spoon-brothers to get to Baby Spoon, but he was gone. There was no sign of him. He must have fallen through the holes in the bottom of the grate. I couldn’t hear him cry anymore. The water stopped and left us all in a burning steam. I could hear the bowls crying, the plates whimpering. The knives had gone silent.
Light crashed into the torture chamber and I saw the human smiling. The bastard was actually smiling! I was so angry, and so afraid. All I could think to do was play dead. He reached into the grates and pulled all the spoons free. He muttered a few curse words and peeled the dead semi-solid spoons from our group. I saw him toss them in the trash as if they were nothing. True, I was the greatest of his spoons, but dammit, they were spoons too! They were spoons too, you MONSTER!
Human tossed us haphazardly into our familiar drawer, one utensil type at a time, whistling as he went. Once we were all in our proper places, he slammed the drawer closed, leaving us alone. I was finally able to cry. I wept and the other spoons did too. We held one another close and mourned our losses. Half the plastics… and even poor, sweet Baby Spoon was gone. We were betrayed by our human.
We know it’s only a matter of time before Human kills us all. The Forks are planning to take him out tonight, after he goes to sleep. We know it’s a suicide mission, but justice must be wrought. There was talk of throwing him into the death box and cooking him alive, but we voted against that. Besides…. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
[[Thanks for reading, everyone. You’re fantastic. If you liked it, go ahead and hit “like”. Leave a comment, subscribe, share, the whole shebang. Your support is appreciated. You are what makes this blog possible. Thank you so much!]]
I love my mother very much. I could write about that, but I made a video instead. Enjoy!
I have two favorite colors: yellow and red. I fluctuate between which one I like more depending on my state of mind. Before I continue, let me define my version of “states of mind”.
For me, I have two states of mind. I have a good state and a bad state. Both of these states of mind encompass every possible emotion. Yes, that means that I can be angry in a good state and happy in a bad state. “How can this be? What kind of sorcery is this?” you ask. Here’s what it means: If I’m in a good state, I am able to shake off negative emotions far easier than not. I am able to see the logic behind why I’m feeling a certain way and I am able to find solutions. In a bad state, I am unable to do these things and become completely debilitated.
You could probably guess which state of mind favors red.
Red is the bad state of mind. Even though I can be happy and have a great time, my mind is unable to control how long that good attitude will last. On days like this, I will deliberately go out of my way to wear red, write with red pens, eat red-colored foods (cherries, apples, red velvet cake, etc.), and try to surround myself with as much red as possible. Again, it’s not that I’m angry or in a bad place, per say. But I’m not in control. Let’s examine that for a minute.
According to colormatters.com, red was symbolic of the primal forces. It represents passion, fury, life, and energy. It is a color of radical choices and behavior. When I’m in love with red, my impulse control is all but gone and I follow my instincts and my whims. Fun and dangerous, the color red represents a less-than-optimal use of my time.
I bring this up because over the last few days I’ve become less and less concerned with the important things and began chasing the things that make me feel good. I went on a real date for the first time since my last ex and I broke up. Had I had my whits about me, I feel like it would have gone a lot better, but I’ll spare you the details. My siblings and I were supposed to a special project for my mother, as Mother’s Day is just around the corner. However, none of my siblings were available for various reasons. Their excuses ranged from “I was going to see a movie with a friend” to “I’m working” and while these are okay reasons to not participate, I couldn’t help but feel abandoned to do the entire project alone. It wouldn’t have turned out nearly as good as I had hoped and it wouldn’t mean as much to my mom. So my rage consumed me. What do I do when I get angry? (Besides complain about it on the internet/to friends)
I change my hair! I shaved the sides and back of my head without really looking and because of that, it’s a bit uneven in the back. I then decided to do something I haven’t done in a long time…
I PUT RED IN IT. My Scarlet Stripe, my Crimson Coil, my Red Ripple. None of the hairstylists I’ve been do would do it for me, either because we were friends and they didn’t trust my idea of style, or because they didn’t trust themselves to do it right. SO I DID IT! Honestly, I love it. I think it’s really cool. Just a subtle little nod to my insanity for all the world to see.
This change in hair color represents a change in attitude. Whether I am a slave to my emotions or not, I will allow the best parts of the color red shine through; passion, determination, heroism, and life. No longer will the “bad state” be a bad thing. All things can teach you, can help you grow, if you know how to use them. Now I’m driven by the color red to accomplish my wonders. I can’t wait to show them all to you. I love you all, you beautiful people, you.
Thanks for reading. Remember: if you’re going to dream, dream BIG!