New Beginnings


You’ve undoubtedly heard what I’m about to write about. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to write and so I shall! Possibly among my favorite holidays, New Years Eve is that time when we close a chapter of our lives and open the next one. It’s a marvelous time to make resolutions and set new standards and goals. Every year I set the bar too high and I flop on face within the first two weeks. I try things like “no drinking soda” or “no eating junk food” and so on. This goes back to my belief in the Law of Attraction and the methods I’ve learned in using it.

Focusing on something that begins with “no” is still giving energy to that thing, whatever it may be. So the goal here shouldn’t be something like “no more chocolate cake every night before bed” but more like “eat healthy before bed”. (Don’t actually eat right before bed. It’s bad for you, or something.)

Alright we’ve gotten that out of the way. Short, sweet, to the point. Yeah? Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, I’m going to talk to you about my New Years goals and resolutions and whatever. Brace yourselves.

I want to be healthy. I want to improve my standards. I want to learn a hundred new and useful things. I want to get a better job. I want to get a new(er) car. I want to get my own place (dwelling, home, etc.). I want get my company started. And I want to find love.

Sounds like I set the bar pretty high again, doesn’t it? I’ve always hated the phrase “shoot for the moon so you can land in the stars.” No. Shoot for the moon and if you miss, try again. Don’t settle for the stars. Heck, don’t settle for the moon. I want the sun. I am imperfect. I am flawed down to my core, but that won’t stop me. I will make this new year awesome. I will make this new year exciting. I will make it grand. Plus, I love odd numbers (2015). So this new year, I challenge all of you to challenge yourselves. I know you have potential to do all that set your minds to. Read self-improvement books. Go take a class. Do a few sit ups every morning. Eat a few more veggies. Smile more. Laugh often. Do that which makes you happy.

Step into this new year with me, unafraid. Be grateful for the wonderful things that happened this year, for the experiences you had, for the lessons you learned, and be optimistic about the year to come. This is the last day you have to be in 2014 and from now on, you can move forward. So come with me, up into the sky, beyond the stars, beyond the moon, and crown yourself with the light of the sun.

Important: If you’re going to dream, DREAM BIG!!! 😀


**Disclaimer: this post delves into my personal beliefs centering around religion. If you are uncomfortable reading people’s opinions of faith, I recommend you come back for my post later this evening (12/28/2014). Thanks for visiting!**

**Disclaimer 2: I had to write this while listening to people argue in the next room so it’s going to be hard to understand.**

UNCONDITIONAL: adj. not subject to any conditions; absolute. Many of you have heard or even used this word at some point in your life and it is often followed by something like “love” or some other equally appropriate word. This word is also often found in religion, especially of Christian denominations when describing the love Jesus Christ has for the world. Surprisingly enough, Christ’s “unconditional love” is often seen by people outside the religions as the exact opposite. They view it as “do what I say or you’ll go to hell.”

I’m going to write a quick post to argue the point. As a Christian, I not only believe in Christ, but also His unconditional love He has for all people. Race, gender, sexuality, age, and so on are unimportant to Christ and therefore do not hinder one’s ability to receive the love that is pouring from His ever-flowing fount. “Well, then what are the rules and commandments for?” some argue. “Why would someone who claims to love you without condition then go and tell you what to do and what not to do?”

My answer would be something like this: “Why would any parent ever tell their children what to do and what not to do?” Think about it. Really think about it. Why? Why would a parent say “Hey. Don’t do drugs.”? Is it because that parent doesn’t want their child to have fun? Is it because that parent is a stick in the mud? Or is it, perhaps, because that parent doesn’t want their child to get hurt, to become reckless or dependent, and so on. Well, say the child goes and does some drugs. Just a little weed or something. No biggie, right? Maybe not to the kid, but what about the parent? Does the parent just go “Well, I asked you not to do that, but that’s okay.” Probably not. The parent will more than likely be disappointed. The parent might even be hurt by their child’s disobedience. For this reason, the parent takes away the kid’s cell phone (that the parents pay for). So how does this mean they stop loving their child? Really. I want to know.

Granted, being sent to Hell is a bit worse than getting one’s cell phone privileges revoked. So let’s look at that for a moment.

In my personal belief, not necessarily doctrine from my faith, Hell is a state of being, of mind, of soul. It’s not a place. And God does not put us there. Our Father, our Creator, would never, ever send us to hell, no matter what evil we have committed against Him and His children, our fellow man. So then why does it say “sinners shall be damned” in various ways throughout the bible and other holy texts? Well, because that’s what will happen when we leave God. God, our Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, set up a perfect plan to allow us, the most imperfect of people to return to God’s presence and live eternally with Him and His Son and all others who follow His teachings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ve heard that before. But I’m basically just proving your point, right? No. Look deeper.

God does not put us in hell (this is my theory). Right? When we abandon Him, when we stray, when we go down a path that isn’t what He had intended for us, He can no longer bless us. Not that He doesn’t want to, or that He doesn’t love us, but that it wouldn’t be fair. How could it be? Just stabbed your neighbor? Oh, well, no biggie. God loves you. Here’s a bunch of good things to make your perfect life even better. No. Just… No.  You don’t reward dogs when they pee on the furniture. You don’t reward children when they throw a fit in the store. You don’t give rewards to those who are deliberately disobeying you.

So maybe you don’t like all of God’s commandments. I’m certainly at odds with a few of them (very deep post coming soon). But He’s God. He’s a pure and perfect being who knows everything and probably knows what will keep us safe, happy, healthy, sane, and so on. Why would He ever do or command things that were not for our benefit? It doesn’t make sense. He loves us. He loves you. He wants nothing more than for you to be happy. That’s why we are free to do things His way or our own way. And yes, He supports whatever decision you make, at least in the sense that He will not interfere. He loves us more than we can ever understand, more than we are capable of receiving or even comprehending. His love moves mountains, parts oceans, and raises the dead. But that’s not what truly makes this love special.

What makes it so special is this: He will always love you, now and forever, no matter who you are, who you were, or who you will become. You are His child and He knows you better than you know yourself. He will always love you. You may not put yourself in a position where you are receptive to that love and that makes Him sad. He wants nothing more than for you to be happy. If you think you can happy on your own, by golly, do that! Don’t conform to someone else’s prescription of happy pills. They won’t work for you. Don’t follow something you have no faith in. Don’t do that which makes you miserable.

But do not forget, even if it doesn’t feel like it, He still loves you. I have seen it in my life. I am undeserving of His love, of his gifts, and yet, every day, there are things I cannot explain that happen because He is watching over me. I make bad choices and right now The Man in the Sky and I aren’t really on speaking terms. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He does love me, now and forever. Forever. Can you imagine? What a vast and powerful thing. I am grateful for that love in my life and for the example it is in my life.

Whether you’re Christian or Buddhist or Muslim or Atheist or whatever you identify as; whether you’re homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, or pansexual; whether you’re American, French, Iraqi, or Canadian; whether you’re white, black, yellow, or red; whatever you are, whoever you are, and whatever you choose to be, I will love you. will always love you. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You have unlimited potential. You are a Child of God and that not only makes you royalty, that makes you my family. Agree with me or not, I still love you. Everyone matters. You matter.

Thanks for reading. And remember: if you’re going to dream, dream BIG!

TL;DR — You’re amazing and I love you all. God loves you too and stuff.

What Happens When You Leave a Taydebear Alone in a Strange Place (AKA The Longest Title of All Time)

Have you ever had a Taydebear all to yourself? No? Well, allow me to explain what it’s like…

Having a Taydebear is like having a very needy pet. Taydebears love to snuggle, but don’t like to be touched. They love to eat, but will never ask for food, no matter how hungry they are. Taydebears are fickle, easily entertained for short periods of time (unless presented with shiny objects), and demand the presence of comforting sounds or catchy music/showtunes. It’s like how people leave the radio on for the dog when they go to work. Taydebears are indecisive. Taydebears prefer the company of others. Taydebears hate being alone (at least when they are in a good mood. If they’re cranky, STAY AWAY FOR YOUR SAKE!).

So let’s put this knowledge into a scenario:

You’re house sitting for a family member. You’ve invited the Taydebear to this particular house before. The Taydebear arrives and you two have a jolly good time. Hip hip, hooray! As the day moves into the evening, you remember that you have to go to work. You inform the Taydebear. The Taydebear is saddened. You’re heart swells with pity and you say “I’ll only be there for four hours. You can just stay here and we can hang out when I get back! :D” (emoticon included). The Taydebear struggles with making a decision (he’s indecisive, remember). Eventually, after some persuading, the Taydebear agrees to stay and wait for you to return. You hug him goodbye and head off to work.

This is when the Taydebear loses his mind.

This is the look of terror. TERROR.

The Taydebear begins to realize that he can’t leave. He doesn’t have a key. Taydebear becomes claustrophobic. In defense of his fragile mental psyche, the Taydebear dives into the internet and Netflix. He realizes he has nothing but these devices to keep him company. His mind begins to fracture into survival mode and sleep-it-away mode. It’s very comical to watch, though he desperately hopes no one IS watching.

Look at my Modes! MY MODES!
Look at my Modes! MY MODES!

One or the other. And on very rare occasions…

I tried to get this shot 13 times... it came out a little racist and lame, but appreciate it. APPRECIATE IT!
Both… I tried to get this shot 13 times… it came out a little racist and lame, but appreciate it. APPRECIATE IT!

I’ve sat through an episode of Family Guy, Annie (the original), and taken enough selfies to sink a boat. I’ve put more links in this post than any of my previous ones. I keep hearing strange noises coming from upstairs, or from the neighbors. I can’t tell. Either this house is haunted, or under surveillance. Boy, that would be awkward. I’ve almost torn my clothes off in sheer panic twice now. Remember, if you have a Taydebear, take care of it. It doesn’t know what to do with itself when it is left alone. It becomes jumpy, scared, fearful, and bored out of it’s mind. Be warned. You may return to find the Taydebear barricaded in a fortress of pillows, blankets, and towels with food he stole from your cache. He might flick rubber bands at you, or scream when you walk through the door. You’ve been warned and informed. Use this information wisely.

Do you have a Taydebear in your life? Or a Lilypad? Or a Anniboo? Or any other kind of pet name for a pet-friend? Tell me about them! Comment by clicking on the “comment” button at the top of this post and tell me about them. What are some of your quirks that you’ve noticed about yourself when you’re left alone in awkward or strange situations?

I love you all. Thanks for reading! And remember: If you’re going to dream, dream BIG!

Did You Miss Me?

I really missed you guys and this blog. It has served as an outlet for my innermost thoughts and ideas. This last week has been full-fledged insanity and while I realize that is no excuse, I have not yet mastered the ability to to write a post every single day (which is a goal).

First, let me tell you what’s been going on this week:

It was CHRISTMAS! I do hope you all had a marvelous holiday (whichever one you celebrate). I did. I woke up late on Christmas morning (I desperately needed sleep after working crazy and nightmarish shifts at my retail job for four days straight) and went downstairs with the family to open presents. Last year, my loving family gave to me a series of condiments and crackers. My hopes and expectations were not high and I was totally okay with getting food. I am not the type that likes to receive gifts. Don’t ask me why; that’s another blog post. Anyway, I didn’t even ask for anything this year because I didn’t want to A) get my hopes up, and B) make my family purchase something for me that I would be uncomfortable unwrapping.

So you can image my surprise when THIS gift was unwrapped by yours truly:

It's also my very first TV.
It’s my very own TV!

32″ may not stun a whole lot of people, but you all have to realize I work a part-time minimum wage job, pay rent, insurance (both health and car), phone, gas, and for my own food. Much needed wanted furniture and electronics have been put towards the bottom of my list. Once all the basics are covered, I spend what remains of my money slowly trying to update my wardrobe, since I’ve been wearing the same clothes since Freshman year of High School (I must have been a reeeeally fat kid for all of this to still fit me). So all of these things combined added to my surprise and awe as peeled off the wrapping paper. I can honestly say that I am among the world’s most blessed. Yeah. I know it’s just a TV, but it is mine. It is beautiful, it’s not a hand-me-down, and it’s mine. It was a delightful feeling.

Of course there’s no place for it in my tiny room, so I’m keeping in the box until I move out. Which will be soon, if all goes according to plan.

There are many things I wish to speak of further, but I shall end here on this post. Thank you, my loving readers, for your support. Thank you for your patience. And thank you for being an inspiration to me. This blog helps me be a better human being. I know that might sound strange to some, but if you look at who I am when I’m not posting as opposed to who I am when I’ve just written a 600 word blog post about whatever it is that is on my mind, you’ll find that I stand a little taller, smile a little wider, and dream a little bigger.

Remember, my dearest ones, if you’re going to dream, dream BIG!

The Wisdom of Generations Past

Whilst on an adventure with my sister, KaLeena, we wound up at a local Denny’s whereupon we were seated behind a both packed with the elderly. This was astounding in that old people are usually asleep by 7:30 in the evening. It wasn’t a big deal to me, however, since I was hungry and was certain they would leave shortly. Our delightful server took our orders, gave us our drinks, and then adjourned our company to do her ever-important task of keeping the people happy. Among those people were these old people. I tried not to stare for more reasons than one (I don’t like making eye contact with someone while I’m making lewd or humorous comments and I don’t like looking into the inevitable future), but my eyes caught hold of their silver-white hair, their folds and creases (wrinkles), and their clothes that screamed early 80’s.

Like I said, it didn’t bother me. Of course, that’s when they started talking.

Old woman #1: “She was in the closet–”
Old man #1: “She was trapped–”
Old woman #2: “She was in the closet?”
Old man #2: “These days, you can just buy a body–”
Old man #1: “That’s true, you can buy a body–”
Old woman #2: “–Find it in the tub!”
Old woman #1: “Oh, I would never be able to get out of a tub!”

-Transcribed by our omni-talented KaLeena.

Now, my sister and I were both trying not to laugh. Or cry. We couldn’t tell if they were being grim about their own lives, or planning some kind of murder. Regardless, their conversation was boisterous and repetitive. We swiftly left our booth upon completion of our meal.

I have nothing against old people. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes and demeanors, but that’s what makes them special. I hope that when I am that old, I don’t sit there and complain about blacking out every three steps and my fear of not being able to stand back up from a tub. It depresses me. I took from that this one fact: enjoy life as you have it, for in the days to come, your body will begin to crumble and you will have nothing but fond memories to lean upon. Goodness, that’s depressing.

When I’m old and I end up in an old folks home or have a personal caretaker in my mansion by the sea, I will pretend to have some serious dementia (or actually have it) and then pretend to be dead until the caretaker comes to take my pulse. Then I’ll bite them with my gums and laugh maniacally. I’m going to be an evil old man.

Now What?

Let’s say you set out to accomplish a goal. You dove head first into the challenge and come out the other side victorious (or wiser than before) and you’re like “Yeah! What a great experience!” You revel in your accomplishment for a day or two and then you have a moment of realization:

Now what?

You’ve tasted success and you’re hungry for more. You’re ready to take that next step, follow that new dream, and succeed again. And you go to look at your bucket list and there’s quite a bit of stuff on it; climb the Eiffel Tower, sail a boat, drink every beverage Starbucks offers in a single day, cure a deadly disease, move out of your mom’s basement, pee off the highest structure in your hometown, make your own cooking show. The list goes on and on. And on.

Me? I’m currently watching the crap out of YouTube.

Sometimes I’m not very productive. But at least the internet is here to suck my brain out of my skull. 😀

Hope you are all having a marvelous day!

I Did It

In my last post, I talked about how to remain positive in the face of challenges. I told you guys about how I had to work an excessively long shift for someone like me in a job abounding in negativity. Let me tell you, these last 10 hours weren’t nearly as bad as I thought they were going to be. In fact, they were (dare I say it?) fun. That’s right. Fun. I had fun at work today. For 10 hours. I was really impressed with myself. To be fair, I might have had it easy: our meals were catered for seemingly no reason but the holiday madness, I actually got to take all my breaks, and we even managed to close up shop ten minutes early. Sure I had to deal with a few unpleasant people…. Oh, wait. No I didn’t. So that’s another thing in my favor. Weird.

You know what else happened? I got a cute girl to talk to me. She gave me a website where I can get new frames for my glasses at discounted prices! (Mine are haggard and over 3 years old). I got people telling me funny stories about their families. I related to people when talking about our pets. I even cheered someone up! Guys! The Power of Positive Thinking is incredible! You literally change the world around you. It’s phenomenal! I sang along to the crappy music, joked around with coworkers, and even made my manager laugh. My manager is a really funny guy and doesn’t laugh at my jokes very often. And for the first time since I’ve known him (over a year now), he actually gave me a formal goodbye WITH MY NAME. Unlike his normal “See you later” thing, this was an actual “See you later, Taylor.” and I was like:

We Is Serprized!!!

And here’s the weirdest – and possibly the coolest – part: This day was exceptionally ordinary. Had I now made a conscious decision that I was going to be happy today, that no matter what, I was going to be positive and cheerful, I think this day would have gone very differently. I had to train a noobie today. Someone stole an entire basket’s-worth of merchandise and got away with it. A customer blatantly told my coworker that I was wrong about something that I knew I wasn’t. (She insisted that the tie she wanted was 8 dollars when I literally sold that same kind of tie ((color, brand, and size)) to a different customer for 12 dollars) And you know what? I had every right to be unhappy today. My car… Oh jeez. That’s a whole blog post in and of itself. Not to mention, when I got home, I read through a hilariously long post about how my (and other people’s) methods of trying to surround ourselves with positive influences was the same as being ignorant to the world. (I have a blog post about that coming soon).

But would you believe it? I was happy. I was so happy, and I still am. I am cheerful, blissful, and I am doing great! Have I described the same thing enough times now? Has it sunken in? Yes? Good.

How did your day go? What steps did you take to prepare yourself to get into that happy state of mind? What kept you there? How different was your day? What are you going to do tomorrow?

Comment below. I see all these new followers (Welcome! by the way) and no comments. I cherish feedback and ideas and love a good discussion. I would be honored to hear from you all. What’s something you do to cheer yourself up?

I love you all and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Be strong. Be brave. And remember: If you’re going to dream, dream big!!!

PS. I meant to actually write this as a blog post, not it’s own page. But because I like the message, it’s going to stay there for now. When I figure out how to transfer it over, I will. So… Yeah…. Oops.

How to Raise a Sinking Ship

Over the last few months, I’ve been hitting several barriers in my life. Money, jobs, projects. Everything has been sluggishly moving along. It was discouraging and I started losing faith in myself. Whenever I get in mental states like that, I need to make drastic changes to snap me out of my slump. So this time I did what I’ve never done before: I cleared my social media.

To be specific, I went on Facebook and Twitter and deleted all those “friends” who posted negative, hurtful, or crappy posts that were meant to hurt me or others. People spammed my news feed with news articles about the most depressing things and then went on to complain about how wrong it was that these things were happening. Pages I “liked” and people I “followed” posted rude or insensitive jokes meant to demean each other. I caught myself using words like “moron” and “stupid” which are far from the colorful words in my vocabulary. But I caught myself using those words towards people I cared about and against myself. Wait a minute. This isn’t right! This is not how friends treat each other. And this is not how I should be treating myself. I don’t want to hear about what other stupid thing Congress did. I don’t want to hear about how your cat is better than your babydaddy. I don’t want to know your opinion on the Obama. It doesn’t matter if I agree with all of your opinions. You are deliberately trying to get people riled up. You are looking to get me riled up. And that… That is unacceptable.

Instead of giving warning to these negative influences, I ripped off the proverbial band-aid and deleted, unfollowed, and even blocked a few of these people. That might seem harsh, but here’s my reasoning: giving someone a warning is like giving someone a second chance to change. In this situation, that would have been inappropriate. I cannot control what other people say or do and I shouldn’t try. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that. I will not ask you to change how you think, how you speak, or what you post. If you bring me down, I just won’t pay attention to you anymore. Again, it sounds harsh. But if I’m giving them an ultimatum like, “hey, I know we’re friends and all, but if you want to stay on my Facebook you need to not post these things you’re feeling anymore,” then what’s the point of said friendship. Truth be told, I’m only associated with some of these people because Facebook made it easy to find people I went to High School with.

I purged my social media and even deleted some contacts from my phone. I was very proud of myself and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel guilty. I have this nasty habit of feeling bad for everything I do, which I will go into that in a future blog post. This time, however, I felt free. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. When I returned to those apps not two hours later, my entire feed had changed. It was beautiful. I actually teared up. I was now only seeing things that help raise me up, or made me laugh, or that were from people who meant a lot to me. And that’s the way (I think) it should be. It changed how I think, how I act, and how I feel in just a matter of days. After that, I decided it was time to start my blog. While not all of my posts are cheery and uplifting, they soon will be. Or at the very least, they will be entertaining.

So, my fellow pedestrians on this road of life, I am excited to say that I’m still learning, still growing, and I hope that I can become a positive influence on you. If you’re feeling down and you can’t pinpoint a reason, try unfollowing a few things. Try giving yourself a break from social media. Heck, try getting away from a computer for a bit. Take a few deep breaths and realize this one important truth: “It’s going to be okay.” I promise. I can’t wait to share my full story with you. I have so much to say, so much to share. As we get to know each other, we’ll become more open. But for now, I must bid you all a farewell. Hope you are all enjoying your weekend.

Thanks for reading and remember: If you’re going to dream, dream big!!!

PS. I know this is a lot of text and no pictures. I’m working on getting some more images. Thanks for your patience! 😀

Body, You’re Fired (aka All The TMI)

Wednesday night was fun. After dying at work, I came home and got into a stellar mood. I decided that I was going to be productive. I wrote a blog post, set up a schedule for the following day, and headed to bed early. I was very proud of myself. I was going to work out for the first time in eons. Yes. EONS. And I was going to clean my room, do some laundry, and write another blog post. I was so excited. I fell asleep around 3 am. (I went to bed at midnight, but couldn’t sleep because I was distracted by the YouTubes).

I woke up at 6am. Okay, I guess it wasn’t really “waking up” so much as it was suddenly becoming aware that my body was marching down the stairs towards the bathroom. I thought “Well, this is abnormal. What is my body doing this time?” I entered the bathroom and tore open the shower curtain, stripped, sat down on the toilet, and proceeded to cry. By this time, my mind was catching up to my body, though I still was in the dark about what it was doing. All I could feel was an intense pain in my abdomen and a overwhelming sense of doom. I took a few deep breaths because it felt like I was light headed. Turns out I was and the overabundance of air rushing into my lungs gave me absolute clarity of the situation, giving me just enough time to twist my head towards the tub and–

“BLEEHHHH!!!!” A horrifying scream lurched out of my throat along with chunks and fluids I dare not describe. I suppose my body was doing what every vessel of the spirit should do when it’s infected with a flu virus and spew semi-solids out of every orifice it can in an attempt to cleanse the pallet that is the human body. I also discovered that, for the first time in my life, I scream when I puke. Not only that, but I whimper and moan like a little boob between eruptions. It was embarrassing being reduced to a meat sack violently bursting at both ends. But hey, at least it would be over soon, right?

Wrong. I stayed in that bathroom until 8am, rocking back and forth on the toilet, moaning “I don’t wanna. Make it stop. Make it stop!”

I don't wanna. I don't wanna!
I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna!

Needless to say, I was not amused. After returning to my room, I tried napping until around noon. I then return to my porcelain throne to continue with my less-than-beautiful ballet of ejecting bodily fluids.

Because of this epic pain and sickness, I got nothing done that I had desired to do and even had to give up an awesome 8 hour shift that I desperately needed. And again, today, still too ill to even stand, I decided to call out and let myself rest for the weekend (as I don’t work again until next Tuesday). I pray I can recover quickly.

In conclusion, I had a plan and I was going to better myself and my body was like “ha. Nope.” So, body, you’re fired. If you readers know where I can get a better one, preferably one with nice pecs and biceps, let me know.